The Studio

I've recently been acutely aware of the question about my marital status. I think it has less to do with my sensitivity level, but more to do with the surprising and astonishing frequency with which I receive the question. Mostly, I can expect this question from Vietnamese people who are anywhere from 5-45 years older than me.

Sometimes the question gets old, but most other times, I find it's a great opportunity to shock other people and to amuse myself. Up until a year or two ago, when people asked "When are you going to get married" rather than the recent "Are you married yet?", I would answer the question by saying that it was at least another 10 years before I got married. This usually elicited the desired surprised and incredulous response.

But, as mentioned earlier, this response stopped being true a couple years ago. So I've had to come up with more creative responses...it was fortunate that the question also changed. Today, after church, my parents ran into some of their friends, whom I've never met before. They asked me usual questions about how old was I, where do I live, how long was I staying in town, and then, of course, was I married yet. After the polite "no", I added that I was much too young to be married. The catcher (note: much of this may be lost in translation, and the irony can only be fully appreciated in Vietnamese) was that instead of using "tre", which is the standard term for young, I used "nho" which literally means small, but which also connotes naive innocence. Everyone was quite amused by my response, though there was a rebuttal from the peanut gallery. My parents' friends noted that they had married off their children when they were 16 or 18 yrs old.

Apparently in Vietnamese culture, 25 is past the age where one is supposed to be an "adult" and be "settled" down. I've been trying to figure out what the symptoms of adulthood are, and I've found that it varies from person to person, and who you ask. To Justin, a sign of adulthood are when people can go out to eat together, and evenly split the bill, despite the fact that each person's meal may have differed by a dollar or two. To Justin, recognizing that a dollar isn't going to break your bank and that in the long run, when you're eating with someone more than once, you'll come out about even if you split the bill are both signs of maturity.

There's always of course the "has nice furniture" symptom. Namely, it's when you throw your futon out...

Recently, I've been thinking that the journey into adulthood includes replacing functional possessions, with objects serving the same function, but of nicer quality. Today, I caved into that urge, just a bit.

Those of you who know me know that I love to cook, and I do it fairly often. You may also know that my pots are of very crappy quality. 4 years ago, I bought a 50 piece kitchen set from Wal-mart, which, among other things, included 3 paper-thin pots with lids. I also inherited a non-flat frying pan along the way. These pieces don't work well by any stretch of the imagination, but they worked well enough. And while I've always wanted to own a set of Calphalon non-stick, Le Creuset porcelain covered cast-iron, Or Mauviel Copper pots, I could never bring myself to upgrade my crappy pots even to an intermediary set. When asked why not, I explained that I still feel like a vagrant, and vagrants don't own nice pots.

I am still very much not settled down, but I finally saw a set of pots today that I couldn't pass up. Macy's had a 10-piece non-stick set, with silicon handles (so that they don't get hot) in a light green exterior!! Oh, and for $60!!! Oh, in a good brand too!!

So there, I've done it, I've taken baby steps towards finer living. BUT don't expect me to get married ANYTIME SOON!!!!

May the good lord be with you
Down every road you roam
And may sunshine and happiness
Surround you when you're far from home
And may you grow to be proud
Dignified and true
And do unto others
As you'd have done to you
Be courageous and be brave
And in my heart you'll always stay
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young

May good fortune be with you
May your guiding light be strong
Build a stairway to heaven
With a prince or a vagabond

And may you never love in vain
And in my heart you will remain
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young
Forever young
Forever young

And when you finally fly away
I'll be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime
No one can ever tell

But whatever road you choose
I'm right behind you, win or lose
Forever young, forever young
Forever young ,forever young
Forever young, forever young
For, forever young, forever young