The Studio

It may be time for more than just my website to change. A couple weeks ago, Justin quit his job as Director of Sales in the valley and he's taken a job at a venture capital firm in the city. This led into him wanting to move to the city. Not just that, he wants me to move to the city with him. The decision isn't quite as simple as move to the city or find another roommate. It should be, but it hasn't been that easy.

The decision has been a little difficult because I kind of want to do both. In weighing my options, all options are equally appealing. I was hoping that something external would come along and tip the scale, but I realized that wasn't realistic. So, here are the thoughts I've been wrestling with:

If I move to the city, we would live in a nicer place than I do now. I would still get to live with Justin, whom I get along really well with. I would have all the conveniences of living in a city. I'd get to be young in the city -- this is really the time in my life when I should be living like a young person. BUT...If I moved to the city, my commute could be longer, but only if I stayed on my current project...I could request to be on a different project that could potentially be closer to the city. I could get an out of town job, which would mean that I could have more flexibility to go to Houston. I could switch jobs altogether -- there's one particularly exciting opportunity that has presented itself. If I move to the city, I'd be farther from my friends who live in the South Bay, but they're only 45 minutes away, it's not like I'm moving to another state. And, it's not like I don't have friends who live in the city...there are a number of them in fact, and my best friend will live there next year! If I move to the city, my cost of living could go up...but if I'm more responsible about cooking more meals, the cost wouldn't have to go up that much; plus if I'm on an out of town project, I wouldn't have any costs during the week....

But if I stayed in the South Bay, I could still be close to my friends. I wouldn't have to change much. There are more bike trails and more biking buddies. There are more single guys (this may or may not be true. I've heard it's true, but it's certainly never really been a huge benefit of living down south). I wouldn't have to pack (gosh, how on earth did I accumulate so much stuff). My current place is pretty big. I could go to sports every Sunday (I really like sports).

When I think about the possible move, and then the possible job change, it all gets to be too much. So my current moto is: One day at a time. Before I go and stress out about moving, Justin has to find a place he wants to buy first (it gets a little more complicated when he asked me if I wanted to buy a place together). Once Justin decides on what he wants to buy, I can decide if I like the place enough to move -- is it close to the freeway, is it big enough, is there a parking spot, etc. I think everything will start falling into place after that.

I discussed my options with my mom and she said "You're old enough now, I trust you to make the right decision for you. Just do what makes you happy." HA!! Easier said than done. It's not so much that I don't know what makes me happy -- I just know that I can be happy with whatever. It'd be easier if I were miserable now -- I would know that I needed to change things up; I'd be more motivated to change. But looking at my two options, I know that I could be happy regardless of what I decide, so how do I decide? I don't have a clear picture of which option will make me happier.

Prolonged agony about the pending big decisions has caused me to entertain the idea of moving back to Houston, into my parents' house, to hang out with them and the rest of the extended family, to worry about nothing but work, exercise, and community service. When I used to live at home, my living situation was settled, my meals were prepared for me, I had time to devote to other stuff, it was nice and stress-free (not that I'm particularly stressed out here).

Possibilities can be scary when they are too numerous. I'll keep you all posted about what I decide, but for the time being, nothing is changing, not for a few months anyhow, and there's still a good chance that nothing at all will change. Hrm. Decisions, why am I so bad at the seemingly trivial ones?

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down...

Glinda:
Can't I make you understand, you're having delusions of grandeur...?

Elphaba:
I'm through accepting limits
'Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'till I try, I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love - I guess I have lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down...

Elphaba: Glinda, come with me. Think of what we could do - together.

I'm Limited
Together we're unlimited
Together we'll be the greatest team
There's ever been, Glinda,
Dreams the way we planned 'em

Glinda:
If we work in tandem

Both:
There's no fight we cannot win
Just you and I
Defying gravity
With you and I
Defying gravity

Elphaba:
They'll never bring us down...
Well? Are you coming?

Glinda:
I hope you're happy
Now that you're choosing this...

Elphaba:
You too - I hope it brings you bliss

Both:
I really hope you get it
And you don't live to regret it
I hope you're happy in the end
I hope you're happy, my friend...

Elphaba:
So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky
As someone told me lately -
Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me -

Tell them how I
Am defying gravity!
I'm flying high
Defying gravity!
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!