The Studio

I don't have any misguided notions about being anything close to perfect, or that I have any minute claim to moral superiority. No, in fact, when I am honest with myself and I think about it, I realize that I am one of many flaws. This post is the first in a series of recognition and accepting my demons.

So, here goes...I am ambitious; no, I am overly ambitious. I can't understand why I can't have it all...the perfect career, a bustling social life, a broadly impacting community servant, and the kind of love life that makes you feel like you're floating. I aggressively pursue all of these, even the last one -- the one I can't control and the one whose pursuit yields no guaranteed results.

Still, I think that if I just try a little harder, I can have it all. And so I throw myself at work, involving myself in half a dozen extra-curriculars at work, things such as recruiting, planning our women and diversity events, planning just about any event that comes up, running our internship program, and coordinating our community service events. I love all the activities that I do, but I also recognize that part of the reason why I have difficulty saying no is because it's just part of my character -- the ambitious part.

I approach my social life with the same commitment-level -- I say commitment because I strive to stay busy, seeing as many people as possible, maintaining as many relationships as I can. I sometimes wonder if my friend perceive me as someone whom they cannot count on or someone who won't be there for them because I am so busy. Even so, my friends each contribute something unique and enrich my life by being in it that I can't understand how one could just choose to lose that. More than just being busy, I like organizing events and playing hostess, ensuring that I'm *extra* busy.

I won't bore you with more details...suffice it to say, I expect to get a lot of out life, but I'm willing to work pretty hard for it. So far my ambition hasn't taken on any destructive characteristics yet (feel free to tell me otherwise), though it has reeked havoc on my sleep schedule and time to do chores. Do I have any plans of correcting this character flaw? Nah...everyone needs a little motivation to get up in the morning.

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away

[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway