What About Nice Girls??
EP posted a link to a super cute series of you tube videos. Topic: "Just a Nice Guy". The story laments the predicament of our well known and well loved "nice guy". It's a cute series, check it out.
Now, I can really appreciate and sympathize with the plight of the nice guy. I feel for you guys, I really do, but it hurts sometimes to hear you guys lament your situation when there are so many nice girls out there. If nice guys finish last, then nice girls don't even finish. Let me tell you why....
As tough as it is for you guys to work up the courage to tell your girl how you feel, it's a hundred times more difficult for a nice girl to tell her guy how she feels. Guys, at least you know that unless you say something, your girl isn't going to know how you feel -- you have no expectation that your girl is going to magically know how you feel and approach you first. That's where the nice girl is at a disadvantage.
Not only does the nice girl have all the worries, insecurities, and trepidations of the nice guy, she has to deal with the fact that our society has made it difficult for her to approach you and express her feelings to you. WORSE, her only alternative is to be as sweet as she knows how to be, and sit around patiently until you get it through your thick skull that she might have feelings for you. It's an impossible situation!!
Should the girl actually manage to work up the courage to confess her feelings for you, she's either seen as aggressive (and a LOT of guys are turned off by that), or she runs an even higher chance of ruining her friendship with you because there's a good chance you're not going to be able to muster up a mature response if you're not into her.
By no means do I dare claim the nice girl title for myself, but I've known my share of them, and no one ever speaks out on their behalf. The nice gals in my life are amazing women, giving, nurturing, patient. And a good number of them have been mistreated by complete jerks because the nice guys in their lives did nothing. It's not that nice girls like jerks, it's because the nice girls couldn't make any progress with you nice guys, and the jerks were the only ones who expressed feelings towards them, however false those feelings may have been.
The next time you gentlemen sit around and lament about how nice guys finish last, think back on all the nice girl hearts you've broken.
3 Comments:
Interesting post, though I'm not sure I agree that nice girls have it worse. (I do agree that nice guys and girls in general have it pretty rough.)
When we say that someone's problem is that s/he's a "nice" guy or girl, we really mean two things: (a) the person is in many ways a catch, and (b) the person is generally too shy and passive to make a move.
Societal expectations or not, if a nice guy likes a nice girl, he's not going to care if she makes the first move. Only a complete tool (i.e. not a nice guy) would reject a girl he otherwise likes simply because she was "aggressive" in moving things along. In fact, the nice guy would probably be relieved.
The real problem with being "aggressive" is the same whether you're a guy or a girl. It's when the other person just isn't into you. Neither guys nor girls handle this particularly well, in part because there isn't really a great way to handle it. Rejection can be direct, or it can be covered up with excuses, but it's never a pleasant outcome for the recipient.
The success rate for nice guys or girls really depends on how many people will make the first move on them. In general, there are far more guys than girls out there willing to make the first move. From the entirety of my own experience, I can think of only five girls who made the first move with me in some way. By contrast, I have female friends who will sometimes get hit on by more than five guys in a single day.
So a nice girl who just sits around will get asked out. Possibly by some of the wrong guys, but at least she'll have options. And it can't be that all of them are terrible, so she should be able to find the right one eventually. The nice guy who just sits around? He will probably be single and dateless for very long periods of time.
plus...women are evil...
In some ways I think "nice" people put too much emphasis on themselves. I think they hold themselves and others to a standard that's almost impossible to attain and that's why they always wind up "finishing last". I think getting along with others is all about a give and take. Be honest with whomever you're chasing and if it blows up in your face (lots of experience here) explain what you meant and see what happens. Sometimes those little blowouts make you seem more "real" because they show flaws. That can really break the tension if you like someone because maybe they thought you were "too nice" and you offending them shows that you aren't putting on aires around them.
I also think the problem with "nice" people is that they look too hard for perfection. In fact I think they should just stop looking for anything all together and let it ride. From my experience stumbling your way through life right into the arms of someone you can't resist can be painful, but it can also lead to some truly magical moments.
Post a Comment
<< Home