The Studio

As a response to my blog about good days, one of my friends posed the question about why I thought "bad" days were necessary -- is it because I thought that there's a limit on the amount of happiness a person could have, sort of a "Conservation of Happiness" principle.

I in fact don't think that there's a limit on the number of good days a person can have. Here was my full response:

Here's a great excerpt from Kahlil Gibran's "Prophet" -- Where he speaks of Joy and Sorrow.

I actually don't think there's a limit on how many good days a person can have, or amount of happiness. I do however, think that bad days are unavoidable and inevitable, more so from a practical perspective.

More over, I am a firm believer that a person is incomplete without the experiences of the "bad" days. I think that "bad" days offer you many opportunities to grow, change, or discover things about yourself you may not have known. Not only that, living a full life, in my mind, is experiencing the full range of emotions. I particularly like to know where my emotional boundaries are, and sometimes that means wading through the darkest recesses of me. It is only at these times, when I can shine a metaphorical flashlight on these dark patches, and see if there's actually anything malicious lurking there. Being familiar with my darkness and know what does or does not exist there allows me to be more in control the next time a "bad" day decides to visit.

I think there's some criticism that women are sometimes irrational and very emotional beings. I think that's partially true. I can feel a very strong emotion, yet rationally understand that there is no good reason for me to feel that way. It doesn't stop me from feeling what I do, but it does help me distinguish between the times when there's a real issue that I need to address, versus the times when I'm just having an emotional reaction to some event, and that the "bad"-ness will pass.

I think that sometimes, our emotions, particularly in men, scare us, inconvenience us, or confuse us. Partially because our culture teaches us that rational, logical thought is preferred over emotions.

We would all like to be able to weigh all decisions based sheerly on pros and cons -- facts, essentially. But the thing is, when a decision is difficult, or when you're unhappy about something, it's your core self calling your attention to something important in your life that may require additional attention. Yes, some things are needlessly stressful, but many of these can be processed away by understanding your emotion. Don't work so hard on analyzing the cause or reasons for your averse emotion, spend more time and energy just understanding the emotion -- there are subtle differences even between the "bad" days.

On a personal level, my bad days are almost exclusively about relationships or disconnect in my interpersonal life. Everything else that life throws at me, I'm pretty adept at handling. I don't always deal with my bad days in a manner that I would like, but who consistently does? Sometimes I ignore them, sometimes I let them simmer, sometimes I hide them, sometimes I contemplate them morbidly. What scary creatures we are.

"Be pleasant until ten o'clock in the morning,
and the rest of the day will take care of itself. "

-------------------------------------------------

And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.

I've lived a life that's full.
I've traveled each and ev'ry highway;
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, I've had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.

I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried.
I've had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way.

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!

Each morning, when you wake up, the day upon which you are about to embark has equal potential as the last day to be absolutely glorious.  Every day could be a good day, but that's not always the case.  So, what is it about a good day that sets it apart from the "eh" or the not-so-good days?

Ok, before I go on, let me clarify a bit.  What I'm about to discuss here are the regular good days, the days that start and end as ordinary days, not the ones that you're going to remember years to come.  I'm not talking about special occasions, like the day your fiancé proposes to you, or even the day you buy your first car.  I'm talking regular plain-jane kind of day.

So, what makes a day good?  Here are some guesses: Did you create something?  Did you connect with someone on an interpersonal level?  Were you exceptionally productive?  Did you try something new?  Were you kind to a stranger?  Did you feel like you left a mark in the world around you?

It sounds so simple.  Could it be that each of these can add up to make for a marvelous day?  SURE!  I challenge you to go through a day, accomplishing each of these small tasks, and come tell me you still had a "bad" day.

If you'll notice, you have full control of your day to work in each and every one of these accomplishments.  These aren't external factors that you have to wait to happen to you -- you can do something about it.  It doesn't take much effort or much time to include all this into one day.  Try it for a while, and it'll become second nature.  You'll find that you'll have more "good" days.

I'm not trying to negate the "bad" days.  "Bad" days are necessary in the balance and order of life, but they don't have to be the norm, they can be the exception.

Today was a good day for me.  I finished all my work in record time.  In addition, I cleared my laundry backlog <productive>.  I made arrangements to start guitar lessons <something new>.  As I was surfing on Craig's List, encountered a post from someone wanting to start Salsa lessons, so I passed along whatever information I could <stranger>.  I had lunch with Justin with good conversation <connected>.  Finally, I made a scrumptious, though simple, meal <created>.

And, indeed it was a good day.  I will rest tonight, with contented spirit.