The Studio

Wow, I have so many things I could tell you about, but hardly a moment to sit and get it all down!

I'm going away for some days, but hope to see all of you when I get back. In the meantime, have a great 4th of July weekend!

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a blowtorch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
I promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now,
I'm in too deep; there's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile?
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded?
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just a-drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

And everything seems cut and dried,
Day and night, earth and sky,
Somehow I just don't believe it

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughing at the rain
A little out of touch, a little insane
It's just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Runaway train, never coming back
Runaway train, tearing up the track
Runaway train, burning in my veins
I run away but it always seems the same

Wow. I was caught a little off-guard, if not shocked. Either he is SUPER bad with names, or I'm really really forgettable. He couldn't think of my name! Eek! (Names, other than my own, are omitted here to protect the forgetful) Well, good thing I had a pneumonic handy; hopefully we won't find ourselves in that awkward situation again. HOW LONG have we known each other? TWO years? Gah! I have your cell phone number, for pete's sake!

Actually, I've come up a number of pneumonics for my name through the years. NOT because I had difficulty remembering my name, mind you, but because people have the darnedest time pronouning a phonetic name. So, to help people out I tell people they can pronounce my name like:

1. I "RANG" the doorbell with a "T" in front
2. "TANG" like the drink, with an "R" in it
3. "TRIANGLE" but without the "I" and the "LE". Hell, you can call me "TRIANGLE" if you want. I actually kind of think it's cute.

Yeesh.

Unforgettable, that's what you are
Unforgettable though near or far
Like a song of love that clings to me
How the thought of you does things to me
Never before has someone been more

Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, that's how you'll stay
That's why, darling, it's incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too

Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, that's how you'll stay
That's why, darling, it's incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too

Just a touch lonely tonight.

A little help from my friends
What would you think if I sang out of tune,
Would you stand up and walk out on me.
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song,
And I'll try not to sing out of key.
I get by with a little help from my friends,
I get high with a little help from my friends,
Going to try with a little help from my friends.
What do I do when my love is away.
(Does it worry you to be alone)
How do I feel by the end of the day
(Are you sad because you're on your own)
No I get by with a little help from my friends,
Do you need anybody,
I need somebody to love.
Could it be anybody
I want somebody to love.
Would you believe in a love at first sight,
Yes I'm certain that it happens all the time.
What do you see when you turn out the light,
I can't tell you, but I know it's mine.
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends,
Do you need anybody,
I just need somebody to love,
Could it be anybody,
I want somebody to love.
I get by with a little help from my friends,
Yes I get by with a little help from my friends,
With a little help from my friends

As I sit here, watching the sun rise from a conference room window, I really don't know what it is I'm thinking about, or what it is I have been thinking about this entire last week.

I am certainly no stranger to sunrise; I have many times been witness to sunrise, often from the wrong end. Of all the times I've been up for sunrise, I can't say I've ever really been a fan. There has always been a poetic, yet melancholy air about sunrise. I think it makes me pensive and feel isolated because the light that sunrise offers is cold and somewhat stark. Sunrise doesn't offer the cheery warmth and beautiful colors of sunset.

Though Sunrise and I are well acquainted, he is yet a stranger to me, aloof and uncaring. Even so, he provokes me to reflect on what has transcended. And yet today, as I gaze out of my third floor conference room window, I find that I have difficulty recalling any of the highs or lows of the past week. I find this very disturbing -- not because I can't remember the highs of the week, but because I am convinced that most of the week was pretty even keel. And, well, I won't even bother to repeat any of the myriads of sayings about flat lines.

I have been desperately trying to be content with where I am in life, busying myself with all sorts of side projects and activities and people. Yet, I constantly find myself staring blanking into this black hole, a gape of unknown origin and locale. There is a restlessness within me -- something that desires nothing more than to get out, to escape the deep confines of my soul, to hold its head high and walk in the sunlight. Only if I knew what it was.

At times like this, I wish for a companion or a friend who will challenge me to "reveal" myself -- someone with whom I can share me. Wow, this blog is beginning to sound familiar...

I tired of this sunrise melancholy. I quit. Good day.

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

Once in a while in your life, you have some experience that reminds you of your own mortality. It's one of those things that scares the daylights out when you're going through it, but after all is said and done, you're left feeling grateful for what you have. Today, I didn't have one of those experiences. But, I had an experience akin to that.

On the way home from work today, I was in a situation that reminded me of my vulnerability and my weaknesses -- limitations, both physical other. But when all was said and done, I felt thankful, slightly blessed, and filled with renewed faith and hope in humanity.

You would never guess from my description, but tonight on the way home from work, I got a flat tire. Strangely, I think that might have been the best thing that happened to me all day. I've always joked about the kindness of strangers, but I don't usually get to experience it for real. When I was pulled over with my flat, dialing furiously, it wasn't a friend who came to the rescue, it was a stranger named Ron. It was very kind of him to offer his time, but more than that, I felt that he was particularly conscious about making me feel safe and comfortable.

I quickly drove towards the firestones/sears on San Antonio. Unfortunately, firestone's closes at 6, but the guy on the phone at Sear's says that they were open until 8 -- it was currently 7:45 or so. Although he said it was probably too late to put on a new tire tonight, he said that they may or may not be able to squeeze me in if I got there in the next 5 minutes. I said that I would certainly try. When I finally got there, a couple of the service guys volunteered to stay after for a bit to put my tire on. They took exceptional care to cover my seat, cover my steering wheel, and put down paper mats before getting in my car to drive it 20 feet.

Overall, it wasn't such a bad exerpience. Certainly humbling. I can't do everything on my own, I'm not a super woman, I don't know all the things I should know. It just makes me human.

I was walking home from school on a cold winter day.
Took a shortcut through the woods, and I lost my way.
It was getting late, and I was scared and alone.
But then a kind old man took my hand and led me home.
Mama couldn’t see him, but he was standing there.
And I knew in my heart, he was the answer to my prayers.

Chorus
Oh I believe there are angels among us.
Sent down to us from somewhere up above.
They come to you and me in our darkest hours.
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.
To guide us with a light of love.

When life held troubled times, and had me down on my knees.
There’s always been someone there to come along and comfort me.
A kind word from a stranger, to lend a helping hand.
A phone call from a friend, just to say I understand.
And ain’t it kind of funny that at the dark end of the road.
Someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope.

Chorus

They wear so many faces, show up in the strangest places.
To guide us with their mercy, in our time of need.

Chorus

To guide us with a light of love.

Ok, the last post was sort of a "bottom of the valley" post for me. Things have been remarkably great since then. For Memorial Day, I actually hung out with a bunch of people I really didn't know, and it was refreshing in a variety of ways. First off, we did a lot of fun things and enjoyed our time without over-thinking our interactions, and second, hanging out with strangers also allowed me to appreciate my friends more.

On Saturday, we drove down to Monterey/Carmel, stopping in Gilroy for lunch, and also at Barnes & Noble to pick up some books for the weekend. I am such a sucker for on-sale novels. They usually turn out to be not much more than extremely entertaining garbage, but I can't ever resist. I also bought some fun gifts for Andrea and chi Huong. I hope they like it. After checking into our hotel in Monterey, we went to Carmel to lay on the beach. It was a touch chilly, but we all had some good reading and all took a nice nap too. David and I took a walk down the beach, and both of us were disappointed at the lack of eye-candy. Sadness. I guess it wasn't warm enough. The rest of Saturday was comprised of dinner and hanging out with everyone in our hotel room and deciding on Sunday activities. It's amazing to meet a group of people MORE indecisive than my own friends!

Sunday started a little early since we wanted to be on the water at a reasonable hour. Kayaking was sooo much fun! The water was super clear, and it was amazing to be so close to all the different wildlife. Walking along the wharf and cannery row and the acquarium were neat too. Monday was a day at Hearst castle. The drive down the 1 was gorgeous, but boy did Hearst castle make me feel poor.

I always thought that I would be a fairly successful person when I grew up -- successful in love, successful in business, successful in life. Now that I'm growing up, I find that it's harder than I once thought. I never thought I could be filthy rich and live exorbitantly, but I always dreamed that I had that potential in me. Even so, now that I've started working, it's becoming harder for me to imagine that I'll ever really stand-out or accelerate at a quicker speed than my peers in the corporate world. I know to some degree that I've just moved into a bigger pond, and that I'm once again a small fish and it'll take some time to establish myself and grow and bulk up so that I can rumble with the big fish, but I'm so darn impatient about these things.

Before entering the working world, I had never been in the same pond for more than 4 years. It usually took me 1/4 to 1/2 of that time to establish myself, find my passions, and gain enough trust and confidence to start leading. Now, the pond that I've just jumped into is large enough so that I can probably hang out in it for the next 30 or 40 years! (hopefully not 40!). So, assuming that I work for 30 years, it's going to take me about 7 to establish myself, and 15 to lead the pack? gah! That seems like an eternity to me!!!

Fortunately, if 2005 has been any indication, time out here in the "real" world moves much more quickly than I anticipated. I always thought that without midterms, finals, winter breaks, and summer breaks, time just would move more slowly, as one big inert blog. That has certainly not been true, since it's June, and I'm still in New Year's mode. It must be all those milestones and deliverables at work, or the realization that there are so many things that I want to do, and as much as I squeeze into one day, there's still so much that doesn't fit. Maybe 7 years will pass just like that. I hope that I can savour the days though, and that they just don't pass me by. I know that with some patience, a little luck, and belief in myself, I will be able to attain all that I could ever desire. I've never let myself down before, and I don't intend to start now. I just have to remember that I'm in it for the long haul now...it's not just a quick 4 years. The same applies to my relationships. The relationships that are going to last a lifetime don't blossom overnight. There's a lot of investment that's going to have to happen, and well guys, whether you like it or not, I'm playing for keeps. Deep breath Trang, have patience. I miss you guys -- hope to see many of you soon.

My friend the communist
Holds meetings in his RV
I can't afford his gas
So I'm stuck here watching TV
I don't have digital
I don't have diddly squat
It's not having what you want
It's wanting what you've got

I'm gonna soak up the sun
Gonna tell everyone
To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)
I've got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
I'm looking up o I'm gonna soak up the sun
I'm gonna soak up the sun
I've got a crummy job
It don't pay near enough
To buy the things it takes
To win me some of your love
Every time I turn around
I'm looking up, you're looking down
Maybe something's wrong with you
That makes you act the way you do
Maybe i am crazy too

I'm gonna soak up the sun
While it's still free
I'm gonna soak up the sun
Before it goes out on me
Don't have no master suite
I'm still the king of me
You have a fancy ride, but baby
I'm the one who has the key
Every time I turn around
I'm looking up, you're looking down
Maybe something's wrong with you
That makes you act the way you do
Maybe I am crazy too

I'm gonna soak up the sun
Got my 45 on
So I can rock on.