The Studio

My other major flaw that has become even more apparent recently is my impatience. It's a strange impatience really, because I've got no reason to be as impatient as I am.

I'm impatient about progress. I've recently noticed that I'm trying to sprint before I can steadily walk, in terms of developing and growing my non-profit foundation. I have so many ideas that I want to implement but not enough help to do it because not that many people are aware of our cause yet and not many people care about it yet.

I'm also impatient with people, unfortunately. I am unable to humor people who ask dumb questions for any respectable amount of time. I'm probably one of the few people out there who does believe that there's such thing as a dumb question. It irks me when people can't get on the same page (I know that's a ridiculous expectation). I also get irked when people are being flakey or just generally lame (yes, this is a subjective evaluation, but basically I get impatient with people when I feel like they're not living up to their awesome potential).

I'm also impatient, mostly out of excitement, for the next phase of my life. I'm really too young and not ready for the next phase of my life to arrive, but I'm still impatient about meeting prince charming, buying a home, having nice things, and in general, getting on with the act of being an adult. Still, though I say that I wish I could do all of this now, if I met prince charming tomorrow and he started talking about marriage, I would RUN, run like the wind.

Finally, I've recently taken up tennis lessons, and my instructor constantly has to remind me not to hit the ball too early. That really just sums it all up.

I'm in a hurry to get things done
Oh I rush and rush until life's no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But I'm in a hurry and don't know why

Don't know why I have to drive so fast
My car has nothing to prove
It's not new
But it'll do zero to sixty in five point two

I'm in a hurry to get things done
Oh I rush and rush until life's no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But I'm in a hurry and don't know why

Can't be late, I leave in plenty of time
Shakin' hands with the clock
I can't stop
I'm on a roll and I'm ready to rock

I'm in a hurry to get things done
Oh I rush and rush until life's no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But I'm in a hurry and don't know why

Oh, I hear a voice
That says I'm running behind
Better pick up my pace
It's a race and there ain't no room for someone in second place

I'm in a hurry to get things done
Oh I rush and rush until life's no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But I'm in a hurry and don't know why

We take a break from our regularly scheduled programming to bring you this announcement: "Guys, don't be a jerk".

Yes, so before I go on to tell you more about my flaws, I need to rant about something. There are many different types of guys out there; many of them are intelligent, kind, funny, and generous. But make no mistake women, a good number of them are JERKS. Don't fall for those.

I'm still irked when I think of this guy whom I observed at Sweet Tomato's last week. So picture this scene...a man and a woman are walking into a restaurant. The two are married with two kids, one 3 years old, the other 15 months. The wife is carrying the youngest child, and a huge diaper bag, and a bulky high-chair liner; the man is carrying nothing. As the man and woman approach the door, the man hangs back a bit. No, he's not doing this so he can open the door for her. In fact, the wife not only opens the door, she holds the door open for her husband to go into the restaurant first!!! He doesn't even make any gestures or attempts to hold the door for her or help her carry any of the things she's carrying. He strolls through the door with his hands in his pocket while his wife who is carrying his youngest child holds the door for him!!!!

I had half a mind to go give this man (who doesn't even qualify to be called such) a piece of my mind. I could not understand for the life of me what this guy could possibly have to offer in a relationship. What did this woman see in him? Is the valley so lacking in men that she had to go and marry this one?

You may want to make the case that this man could very possibly be a loving and giving husband at home, but I find that people who are inconsiderate in public are only worse in the privacy of their homes. You may want to make the case that this man had physical limitations that prevented him from carrying the diaper bag for his wife or from opening the door for her, but he was all too capable of picking up the 3 year old to go discipline him. You may want to make the case that this man's wife loved him so much that she wanted to do everything for him, including carrying every heavy thing while opening the door for him, but then I would ask you about his love for his wife...couldn't he be bothered to even offer to help?

The moral of this story isn't that we should try to groom these types of men into being better people, but that there will always be these men out there. And women, as intelligent, self-respecting, amazing people as you are, don't fall for these jerks. You deserve better than that.

(oo) What you want
(oo) Baby, I got
(oo) What you need
(oo) Do you know I got it?
(oo) All I'm askin'
(oo) Is for a little respect when you come home (just a little bit)
Hey baby (just a little bit) when you get home
(just a little bit) mister (just a little bit)

I ain't gonna do you wrong while you're gone
Ain't gonna do you wrong (oo) 'cause I don't wanna (oo)
All I'm askin' (oo)
Is for a little respect when you come home (just a little bit)
Baby (just a little bit) when you get home (just a little bit)
Yeah (just a little bit)

I'm about to give you all of my money
And all I'm askin' in return, honey
Is to give me my profits
When you get home (just a, just a, just a, just a)
Yeah baby (just a, just a, just a, just a)
When you get home (just a little bit)
Yeah (just a little bit)

------ instrumental break ------

Ooo, your kisses (oo)
Sweeter than honey (oo)
And guess what? (oo)
So is my money (oo)
All I want you to do (oo) for me
Is give it to me when you get home (re, re, re ,re)
Yeah baby (re, re, re ,re)
Whip it to me (respect, just a little bit)
When you get home, now (just a little bit)

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Find out what it means to me
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Take care, TCB

Oh (sock it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it to me)
A little respect (sock it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it to me)
Whoa, babe (just a little bit)
A little respect (just a little bit)
I get tired (just a little bit)
Keep on tryin' (just a little bit)
You're runnin' out of foolin' (just a little bit)
And I ain't lyin' (just a little bit)
(re, re, re, re) 'spect
When you come home (re, re, re ,re)
Or you might walk in (respect, just a little bit)
And find out I'm gone (just a little bit)
I got to have (just a little bit)
A little respect (just a little bit)

I don't have any misguided notions about being anything close to perfect, or that I have any minute claim to moral superiority. No, in fact, when I am honest with myself and I think about it, I realize that I am one of many flaws. This post is the first in a series of recognition and accepting my demons.

So, here goes...I am ambitious; no, I am overly ambitious. I can't understand why I can't have it all...the perfect career, a bustling social life, a broadly impacting community servant, and the kind of love life that makes you feel like you're floating. I aggressively pursue all of these, even the last one -- the one I can't control and the one whose pursuit yields no guaranteed results.

Still, I think that if I just try a little harder, I can have it all. And so I throw myself at work, involving myself in half a dozen extra-curriculars at work, things such as recruiting, planning our women and diversity events, planning just about any event that comes up, running our internship program, and coordinating our community service events. I love all the activities that I do, but I also recognize that part of the reason why I have difficulty saying no is because it's just part of my character -- the ambitious part.

I approach my social life with the same commitment-level -- I say commitment because I strive to stay busy, seeing as many people as possible, maintaining as many relationships as I can. I sometimes wonder if my friend perceive me as someone whom they cannot count on or someone who won't be there for them because I am so busy. Even so, my friends each contribute something unique and enrich my life by being in it that I can't understand how one could just choose to lose that. More than just being busy, I like organizing events and playing hostess, ensuring that I'm *extra* busy.

I won't bore you with more details...suffice it to say, I expect to get a lot of out life, but I'm willing to work pretty hard for it. So far my ambition hasn't taken on any destructive characteristics yet (feel free to tell me otherwise), though it has reeked havoc on my sleep schedule and time to do chores. Do I have any plans of correcting this character flaw? Nah...everyone needs a little motivation to get up in the morning.

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away

[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway