The Studio

The other day, as I was driving to work, there was a short news blurb about opponents of Prop 8 setting up an office in Santa Clara county, to begin their campaign to overturn Prop 8 in 2012. The reporter made a point to say that even though Santa Clara county opposed Prop 8 in the 2008 election, there were still significant portions of the population that supported Prop 8. Towards the end of the news blurb, they quoted someone from the opposing camp, a spokesperson of the group that is fighting to uphold Prop 8. The gentleman stated that the group will continue to "fight for marriage to be a union between man and woman because that's what's good for families, and good for our communities, and good for California."

That got me thinking a bit... if marriage is good for families, and good for our communities, why aren't we fighting harder for the institution of marriage itself? With America's divorce rate at above 50%, which translates to countless of broken families, and children who have to live through messy divorces and custody battles, and ultimately end up having to grow up in single-parent homes, why aren't these "defenders" of marriage fighting harder to preserve families and lower the divorce rate?? Why are they instead spending all their energy from excluding people from the institution of marriage? Would any of them be so bold as to propose that we ban divorces?? NO!! You know why? Because they would be laughed out of the country!

When a nation's divorce rate is above 50%, you have to think that a significant percentage of the population actually doesn't value "marriage" and what marriage vows mean. And to all those people who've been divorced AND support Prop 8, I think you shouldn't get much of a say in the matter because marriage clearly doesn't mean much to you if you're so willing to break your marriage vows. So, since marriage doesn't mean anything to you, you've little right to prevent others, to whom marriage does mean a great deal, from making a public commitment to the person that they love.

There's another group out there whom I think also shouldn't get much of a supportive say for Prop 8, and those are the people who are wedded by common law. So, technically California doesn't recognize common law marriages, but the general idea is, if you've lived with your significant other for an extended period of time, and enjoy all the benefits of marriage, but never actually took the time to get married and publicly declared your commitment to one another, you probably don't think much of the institution of marriage either. So again, what do you care who can or can't get married to each other? It has no impact on you.

I believe that marriage, whether between a woman and man, or two women, or two men, is good for our society. When two people take the time and effort to publicly declare their love and commitment to each other, it's a strong and powerful thing. These two people are promising to support each other, to take care of each other, through sickness, emotional turmoil, and economic downturn. These are all good things from a societal standpoint because more people will have stronger support networks, which lightens the burden on society and our social services. So, while I agree that marriage is good for our communities and good for California, I can't for the life of me figure out why marriage can only be good for our communities, if constrained to those only between a man and a woman. That argument just doesn't hold water for me.

I can hardly believe that 2009 is already one third over. Where on earth did the time go? I've been meaning to write my annual year-end recap for 2008, but before I knew it, it's already May! Ridiculous. I always thought that time would slow down as you got older...that the days would be more drawn out, and that I would find myself sitting at home more often with fewer things to do. Boy, was I wrong.

So, even though I can't remember 2008 with much granularity anymore, here's an attempt at a recap...

2008 was a year of growth, I'd have to say. There were many great things about 2008, but it was also a personally challenging year. The year started off with a bundle of joy, named Taison (tay' son) Khai Clark, being introduced into the world. I have the distinct honor of being Taison's godmother. It totally bums me out that I can't be there to see Taison and Trinhity (Taison's older sister, and also my god-daughter) grow up, but their mommy and daddy do an awesome job of updating their respective blogs with great stories of everyday happenstance at the Clark household.

In April, I went home to Houston to celebrate VASF's 5th Anniversary as well as Taison's baptism. VASF's 5th Anniversary Celebration was an intimate event that was a labor of love for Huy, Christina, and me. It was a truly special event.

On the career front, 2008 was also a significant year, because I was promoted to manager a year earlier than the regular "minimum" schedule. I was really proud of this achievement, but alas great power comes with great responsibility. Haha, j/k, well, about the power part anyways. I have found that since my promotion, I do feel that I have quite a bit more responsibility, but I'm thoroughly enjoying the challenge and almost fear that I'm turning into a bit of a workaholic. =P

I'm not sure if this next tidbit warrants its own paragraph, but also seems wrong to try to bury it in another paragraph or worse, not mention it at all. In the summer of 2008, JG and I started dating, and suffice to say that it's turned out to be more than just a summer romance, but I'm not going to jinx it by saying anything more than that.

So that was the bulk of the good stuff, not counting all the great times spent hanging out with friends, fortifying old friendships and forming new ones.

I mentioned that 2008 was also a personally challenging year, and that was primarily due to the medical issues that I had to work through. When I was home last April, my mom noticed a large bump in my next that I hadn't noticed before. When I felt the bump, it was actually quite large, and by doctors' measurement, it was around the size of a golf ball. It was fairly easy to recognize that this was a thyroid problem, but doctors in both Houston and the Bay Area had a difficult time figuring out the underlying cause of my swollen thyroid. I spent the next 5 month sitting on pins and needles as specialists tried to diagnose the issue. There were countless visits to the doctor's office, and each test seemed to cloud the picture more. Each possible answer brought with it its own emotional roller coaster, such that by the end, I was ready to accept any answer, so long as it was the definitive one.

In September, I underwent surgery to remove the swollen part of my thyroid, and start down the path of what's turned out to be a very quick recovery. My thyroid tumor turned out to be benign and I was even able to keep half of my thyroid which means that I don't have to be on daily meds. So all's well that ends well I guess. There has been a fairly significant change to my metabolism which I'm still adjusting to, and we're continually monitoring my hormone levels, but so far so good.

One of the biggest challenges while dealing with my medical issues was not the actual medicine part, but rather facing my mortality. When you're young, you feel pretty invincible. You know that people get sick and that disease exists, but you never think that it'll happen to you. You're not really prepared to ask yourself the hard questions of "what do you do if...". The other really challenging part of being sick is not being in control. I've always been a driver, so it was extremely hard to accept that there was an aspect of my life that I couldn't manage and that I had to, for the most part, place my future into someone else's hands. Extremely annoying, but I hope that I will be able to carry this lesson forward in life. I suspect that there is a great deal in life that will be out of my control, and hopefully when these things come up, I'll be able to go with the flow.

The most special parts of 2008 were really about the people in it. My relationships continued to deepen with my closest friends, and it has been these relationships that carried me through the tough challenges of 2008. When work and worry drew me to more private and quiet times, my friends were there. When promotion, recovery, and birthdays gave us cause to celebrate, my friends were there (en masse!).

In 2009, several close friends of mine will embark on the next chapter of their lives, and will head out to take on new challenges; I know our friendships will endure because of bonds that we've built. I am optimistic about what 2009 will bring, if only it would stop passing by so quickly!

For most of my youth, and up until a couple years ago, I spent a lot of time trying to prove to myself and to everyone else that I could "hang" with the guys -- that I could be as smart, as determined, as logical, as emotionally strong, and as independent as any guy out there. I hated the sorority girl image, and by proxy sorority girls, because to me, they epitomized everything weak about women. I hated the drama, the pettiness, and the two-faced-ness that seemed to occur when girls got together en masse. As such, I preferred the company of men, surrounding myself with male friends, and up until this year, living with male roommates.

My female mentors and other women whom I looked up to, always stressed the importance of having close female friends. I never understood this advice, and mostly dismissed it, but I am coming around. I'm not saying that there aren't women who are drama-prone, or who aren't very petty and will stab you in the back without a second thought, no, I think there are a lot of women out there who give the rest of us a bad name. But, what I have realized is that, when you find the kind of female friends who are caring, and loyal, and who understand you, you've found friends for life -- friends, who will be there for you through good times and bad times, through sickness and in health, and between whom no man can come.

In the past twenty something years, I have sufficiently proven to myself that I can be whoever I want to be, so long as I set my mind to it. I'm not going to limit my imagination with the limitations of men or women. In the next chapter of my life, I'm going to let the strength and experiences of my female friends serve as my compass. We are a group of tight-knit women, who previously did not like women. We are a wealth of neuroses, insecurities, and vulnerabilities, but because of these things, we are a powerhouse of strength, wisdom, and insight. We are drama-averse, and are the glue that holds our network of friendships together. And we're crazy about each other. So there. You guys rock my world.

I was a little annoyed that the more polished version of my essay was not the one that was printed in this past weekend's LDC program. For those that are interested, here's the refined version of the essay. I'm not a horrible writer, I swear...

The essay prompt was: What can Vietnamese Americans and Canadians do for the country of their roots. Following is my response

Viet Nam, the country of our roots, is a country rich in culture, traditions, and history. Viet Nam’s history is a great account of strength of character, triumph, and resiliency, but it has not always been without conflict and turmoil. The darkest hour passed when hundreds of thousands left the country to find a life they felt they could no longer have in their homeland. Despite all this, the Vietnamese people are resilient; those who left their homes have established new lives abroad and many have found success and embraced leadership opportunities. Those who remained have helped rebuild the country in a short time, and Viet Nam now finds itself on the brink of change. What kind of change will be in store for Viet Nam will largely depend on the Vietnamese population aboard. Vietnamese Americans/Canadians must help write the next chapter of Vietnamese history. It is odd to think that the Vietnamese population abroad would have much influence over what happens in Viet Nam in the coming years, but in fact the opposite is quite true. Vietnamese Americans/Canadians, and in fact the entire Vietnamese population residing abroad, can and must take an active role in developing and protecting Viet Nam. There are opportunities in all sectors, public and private, to help shape the development of Viet Nam, and improve the lives of those who still reside there.

Though the Viet Nam war ended more than thirty years ago, many who fled the country are still nursing wounds so deep that the idea that Viet Nam can change and make progress at times seems impossible. For this reason, it is the responsibility of upcoming generations of Vietnamese Americans/Canadians to help heal these wounds and build bridges between the Vietnamese diaspora and the Vietnamese population still living in Viet Nam. Vietnamese Americans/Canadians cannot afford to ignore Viet Nam or to completely severe ties with the country from which we came. While Vietnamese Americans/Canadians may find that they have fundamental disagreements with events that transpire in Viet Nam, only through open relationships with Viet Nam, and indeed the government that is in power, can Vietnamese Americans/Canadians affect change within the country. Vietnamese Americans/Canadians have the power to lend a voice to the poor, the needy, and the neglected people living in Viet Nam. Bridges are built when we focus on that which we have in common instead of that on which we disagree. There are many aid organizations that seek to provide aid to the neediest parts of the Vietnamese population living in Viet Nam. These organizations help provide medical assistance, education, and basic nourishments to the disabled, the poor, and young. These segments of the population are innocent victims of a country stricken by many years of war, and they need help – on that we can all agree. Non-profit organizations working in Viet Nam are in constant need of assistance and support, and who better to fill these gaps than Vietnamese Americans/Canadian who understand the culture, the language, and the communities both within Viet Nam and abroad. Through the work of non-profit organizations and with the support of the Vietnamese government, we can begin to form working relationships where the end goal is to help the needy. A mutual desire to help Vietnamese people can form the foundation for the bridges that we must build.

In addition to working with non-profits to help improve the lives of Vietnamese people, we must leverage our federal governments as allies in shaping the future political landscape of Viet Nam. As influential nations such as the United States and Canada start to develop more open relationships with Viet Nam, the Vietnamese communities in these countries must play an active role in shaping the foreign relations policy of these countries as it relates to Viet Nam. This means that Vietnamese American/Canadian citizens must help inform the US/Canadian governments about issues occurring in Vietnam, such as human trafficking, human rights violations, and bans on free speech. Additionally, Vietnamese Americans/Canadians should insist that their respective countries demand for improvements in these areas in return for stronger trade relations and the support of a strong ally. We have seen throughout history that it is through communication, negotiations, and open relationships that countries have been successful at swaying the actions of another. Vietnamese communities abroad ought to encourage their governments to engage in discussion with the Vietnamese government, especially if the Vietnamese government is reaching out for help. At the end of the day, such an approach goes a long ways in bettering the lives of the people of Viet Nam and affecting overall positive change within the country.

Nevertheless, being active participants in shaping foreign policy is not enough, because governments are not the only entities looking to open ties with Viet Nam. As corporations look to Viet Nam for new opportunities to expand their manufacturing and as a new market to sell in, Vietnamese Americans/Canadians must help make sure that these relationships are symbiotic in nature. Corporations, and sometimes event governments, can at times be myopic about the long term effects of environmentally unsound land use and over development. As employees and leaders at the companies that are investing in and building in Viet Nam, Vietnamese Americans/Canadians have the ability to ensure that these companies are acting as good corporate citizens to Viet Nam. Vietnamese Americans/Canadians are also consumers of companies that are investing and manufacturing in Viet Nam. We must be informed consumers of products that are manufactured in Viet Nam. Before purchasing a product manufactured in Viet Nam, we must consider the working conditions under which the product was manufactured. Vietnamese Americans/Canadians cannot forget that it is a Vietnamese brethren who toiled away to produce the goods that companies are marking up and selling to consumers for a healthy profit. There are many companies who are willing to exploit Viet Nam and Vietnamese workers for the sake of a profit, but as consumers and as employees, Vietnamese Americans/Canadians have the power to ensure that manufactures are providing suitable working environments and are engaging in honest business practices because Vietnamese Americans/Canadians hold the purse strings.

We’ve seen that Vietnamese Americans/Canadians have the ability to aid the neediest people in Viet Nam by partnering with service organizations that are focused on Viet Nam. We have the ability to shape US/Canada foreign policy as it relates to Viet Nam and therefore having the effect of persuading the Vietnamese government to improve human rights in Viet Nam. Vietnamese Americans/Canadians have the ability to shape the economic landscape of Viet Nam by ensuring that foreign business practices in Viet Nam are for the ultimate benefit of the Vietnamese citizen without doing long-term harm to Vietnamese land and environments. But all this to what end? All this shall be done in order to preserve the Vietnamese culture and to promote better lives for all the Vietnamese people. The point of playing a role in shaping the political and economic landscape in Viet Nam is to ensure that the development and progress in Viet Nam is not made at the expense of the core beliefs upon which the Vietnamese culture is built. Instead, development and progress in Viet Nam must be made in such a way that the Vietnamese culture can flourish. The values that are fundamental to the Vietnamese culture such as family values, a focus on education, and strength of character are the same values that have allowed Vietnamese Americans/Canadians to be resilient and are the reasons why we’ve been able to successfully establish ourselves in foreign countries. By preserving the Vietnamese culture, Vietnamese Americans/Canadians can ensure that they and future generations of Vietnamese Americans/Canadians will have the opportunities to continue to learn about the Vietnamese heritage. Only through understanding their Vietnamese heritage can Vietnamese Americans/Canadians truly discover themselves, their strengths, their motivations, and their dreams. If Vietnamese Americans/Canadians allow foreign influences to undermine the Vietnamese culture, then we’re really lost our homeland.

Viet Nam’s history and Viet Nam’s future is deeply intertwined with the fate of each and every Vietnamese American/Canadian. Vietnamese Americans/Canadians can no more turn their backs on Vietnam than we can turn their backs on ourselves. By helping to affect positive change in Viet Nam, Vietnamese Americans/Canadians are rekindling hope in the Vietnamese communities abroad that their journeys and struggles have not been in vain. Through active involvement, Vietnamese Americans/Canadians are also setting examples for future generations that while the Vietnamese population is scattered throughout the globe, all are connected through their tie to Viet Nam, a land of deep history and heritage and one that, if allowed, can offer much hope and promise for the future. For these reasons, Vietnamese Americans/Canadians must not distance themselves from Viet Nam, but instead leverage all the connections and resources we have to help shape Viet Nam’s future.